5/3/2010 @ 1.25 a.m.

salam... hello there! it's been a while since i created this blog and my last entry. it's been too long, ain't it? been busy with work? not actually. maybe just too tired from the works and the daily routines. but hey, it's worth it. (^_^)

tonight, the urge is coming again. the urge to express oneself through the blog. hmm... i wonder.

have u ever thought about dying? well, i've been thinking bout the topic. recently. two of my uni friends have passed away. at the age of 24. ayan and cromok. maybe with their passings i started to ponder. what is life anyway? haven't been thinking on the matter. who knows, maybe our deaths are just around the corner. only by death will people realise about life. hmm...

yesterday was supposed to be my late father's birthday. suddenly i feel all emotional and all. just realised it in the evening. the 4th march date brings back memories. memories that makes me realised i am just a human being.

taken into account of yesterday's date, it's been 10 months since my dad passed away. there is just too many things i wanted to apologize to him, but maybe i have been a little too late. so at least we can prove as the saying goes, you will not cherish the moments with someone until that someone is not around us anymore. sometimes i cried whenever i think of my dad. i remember all the rebellion i had against him. the joy, the sad, happy times, troubled times. it's been coming back for the past hours. maybe i have not been a good son to him. but one thing that he left me, the experience on becoming a human being. thanks dad. i miss u so much, it really hurts me deeply...

well, at least i get to see him before he exhales his last breath. at least i get to hear his last words. i've been lucky enough to know him as my father, whether i realised it or not. there's just too many that i have regretted in my life. not being able to show him the picture of my graduation day. not being able to give him the money i have earned when i have started working. not being able to show my love again to him. ever again. but still, he is not returning back to this world. all that i can do is keep on the journey that lies ahead of me. i will make him proud. i will.

i still remember the moment of his last breath. if the nurse come up to you and said, "dear, your father is gone...", how would you feel? how do you react to such words? i tried to be strong, but still, i cannot bear the news being told. i broke down eventually when i called my mom telling the news. tears flowing through the eyes. it is the only moment that cannot be undone, even when u have tried so hard to stop it. so folks, please appreciate every moment you spend with your parents, your siblings, your family, your friends. because once they are gone, you can never turn back the time.

~PoJenG UnLimiTeD~